Top Five Real Life Robots

By Brad Tennant
We’re just going to go the route of the frightened human here and explain how each of these robots will contribute to enslaving humankind. We will use the standard LGATOYDA rating system (Likelihood to Go All Terminator On Your Dumb A**). Sure, we currently still have control, but Pleo, Asimo, BEAR and all their pals are only going to take it for so long ... Make sure to YouTube all these to get the full effect.


Honorable mentions: Roomba — The robot vacuum cleaner. It rolls around picking up your dirt without being told. LGATOYDA — 2. All that spare change it finds is being mailed to SKYNET.


BEAR — It stands for Battlefield Extraction Assist Robot. Nice idea. A robot that can carry an injured soldier off the field. LGATOYDA — 3. They are the ones who will start taking you away.


5 Pleo — A robotic dinosaur that has enough sensors to react to everything. It’s cute, soft and pet-like enough to lull you into a false sense of security. Watch the video where it “playfully” bites the person’s hand ... LGATOYDA —4. These are what we call the pacifiers. They trick you into thinking its all safe. Be afraid.


4 KUKA’s robotic factory arms — The six-axis model can lift several hundred pounds in any direction. It is much faster and more maneuverable than hydraulic motors. They already use them for amusement park-style rides. LGATOYDA — 6. Most car manufacturers use them, so don’t be surprised when they mount themselves to the back of vehicles and carry machine guns. I’m just sayin’...


3 Asimo — For the life of me I can’t figure out what it does, except everything. It walks around, recognizes people, objects and can do most simple tasks a human does. LGATOYDA —7. Currently it’s just a little astronaut with a backpack, but lets consider it T-1/2.


2 Big Dog —It’s like a pack mule from techno-hell. It walks on four legs and has incredible balance and stamina — its standard payload is 340 pounds. Watching it run, jump and recover from a fall literally sends chills down my spine.  LGATOYDA —9. *VERY IMPORTANT* google ‘Big Dog’ and watch the video. See that guy that kicks it to show how balanced it is? He’ll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.


1 The Land Walker — A four meter high mobile suit (Gundam?) that walks around. Yes, just like the ED-209 from Robocop.  They aren’t fooling anyone with those paintball guns on the side. There are two A-10 Gatling guns in the back and we all know it. Our only comfort is that it’s still slow and loud and bad at walking. LGATOYDA —10+. Oh, my wonderful PC, I’m so sorry I called you names! It will never happen again, I swear! I’m a kind master, aren’t I? Please, I can change! I’ll do better! How about a new hard drive for my favorite computer!


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Contact Brad at btennant@yahoo.com